Learning how to express what you want out of life can be very difficult at times. As women, we are often told that our wants come secondary. Whether that be secondary to your husband/boyfriend, children, church, even secondary to God.
Heck, even our own mothers teach us to take care of other people first, before taking care of ourselves.
At times, women are so busy taking care of others, that their wants eventually become unspoken, forgotten, and unimportant. We will repeat over and over to ourselves that what we want doesn’t matter. We think, in some ways, that it’s an honor to uplift others rather than be selfish.
Women may also fear that expressing what we want will put us at risk of losing those primary people in our lives.
But what if I told you that if you do these four things, you will certainly get what you want and more?
1. Set boundaries for yourself in how people treat you
I’ve seen far too often that young women, or even older women, will allow people to mistreat them with little to no consequence. Particularly with men. As soon as we let a man in our lives, what do we do ladies? We open the floodgates and give them full access to our mind, body, heart and spirit. We think that by doing this, it will show just how committed we are to that relationship.
As long as you have limitless boundaries, you will never seek 100% fulfillment in what you want. As human beings, we will naturally push the boundaries anytime we can. If you never stop a person from disrespecting you, abusing you, manipulating you, or taking advantage of you, they will continue to take.
And the more you allow people to take, the less you leave for yourself.
2. Let go of fear
Well that’s easy. Problem solved right? Boom.
I wish it were that easy!
Fear can be so crippling that we would rather exist in our safety bubble than to live a vibrant, fulfilling life. Fear make us choose abuse over loneliness. Fear makes us choose weakness over strength. Fear makes us choose man over God.
Letting go of fear will open more doors for you than you can imagine. Take me for example- I had to overcome the fear of failure, rejection and judgement to start Black Royalty project and live out my passion in life. I would have never been able to get what a I want without throwing that fear out the door. Trust me- I’ve wanted to crawl back under the rock many times. But I won’t allow it. I can’t allow it. I choose to put my wants ahead of anyone else’s for the pursuit of my own happiness and fulfillment.
You’ll know you’re ready to let go of fear when you realize the exact person or thing you are afraid of does more harm to you than good. Once you truly get that, the grass instantly looks much greener on the other side.
3. Constantly redefine what you want
The best way to get what you want out of life requires the first step- defining it. This can be especially tricky for young women my age because we are still experiencing life and beginning to view the world as more complex.
At one point in your life, you may want kids. And at another point you may not. That’s okay. Recognizing your shift in feelings and giving yourself permission to change your mind is what will ultimately make you happy.
You have re-evaluate your wants, desires, and dreams or else you will find yourself wasting valuable time.
4. Be competitive
With others and with yourself. Have you ever noticed that successful people tend to have a very competitive nature? Its because being the best is in their DNA. They purse their goals relentlessly and by any means necessary.
Think about what you do before a competition. You practice. You prepare. You envision yourself with that medal or trophy, you get excited and anxious as the day comes. You say self-affirmations. You reflect. These are all things you must do to get what you want. What you want is a competition and you must fight for it.
Following these four steps will unlock the opportunities, freedom, and satisfaction that you seek.