One of the most popular hashtags to represent a perfect, loving, supportive, admirable relationship. #relationshipgoals. When scrolling through Instagram, Snapchat, and Youtube it’s nearly impossible to miss a young couple- seemingly in love and committed to each other.
They post pictures of themselves kissing under the stars, splashing each other in the ocean, cooking together in the kitchen, and surprising each other with epic gifts.
Now scroll through the comments and view nothing but heart emojis, “aww”s, and a declaration of Relationship Goals.
Assuming that the majority of commenters are under the age of 21, these social media stars are their role models and people they truly look up to. These couples are demonstrating what other young couples should strive to be – popular, famous, and open to putting all their business out on the street.
I’ve seen far too many couples begin and/or end their relationship in the social media spotlight- all because they want to be considered relationship goals.
But do you want to know how to truly get to #RelationshipGoals status?
Easier said than done for most, but this is crucial to keeping your relationship strong, stable, intimate, and healthy.
There is a reason you can’t find any juicy details about my marriage. There is a reason I do not promote #RelationshipGoals (although we are modeling a healthy relationship). There is a reason I do not share our special moments with the world to see- good or bad. Because once you open the flood gate to allow people into your relationship-you’ve now interjected a third partner. You, yourself, and Twitter-land.
Now I could preach to you that the only third partner that should be in your relationship is God and he should be at the center. I could tell you that God did not put you, your partner, and the rest of the world together. He put you two together. I could tell you that most relationships that are largely social media based, have ended.
But I wonder, would they listen? Or will they continue to think their homegirl’s opinion should be weighed when making a partner decision? Will they continue to post their rants on Facebook when they get into an argument with their partner? Will they snap photos of how happy they are just to be validated by “you’re so cute” and “you’re so lucky” and “he’s such a good man?”
After inviting others’ opinions, you will naturally want to consider them or at least listen. Especially if those opinions are from friends and family.
On the surface, those posts seem harmless. There’s nothing wrong with sharing what makes you happy and acknowledging someone special in your life, right? The problem is that once you begin posting several positive comments and no negative comments- people will assume you have no issues. People will assume everything is great and your relationship is healthy and effortless. Vice versa, once you begin sharing several negative comments with little or no positive comments- people will assume your relationship is doomed and will be counting down the seconds to your break-up.
As you can see- this is a lose-lose situation! The public will form an opinion either way. Not only that, they will feel entitled to interject their opinion and will take sides with one partner once turmoil is on the horizon.
After inviting others’ opinions, you will naturally want to consider them or at least listen. Especially if those opinions are from friends and family. Even those relationships could consequently be impacted due to you not taking their advice-which you solicited.
Once you begin overly seeking opinion, validation, advice and attention from the public and social media, you will slowly but surely start to value their position more. Some may take it as far to value their position more than their partner’s and even more than God’s. Eventually, there will be so many voices, it will be nearly impossible to ignore.
I do not want to see our young black couples continue to post their business on social media. If you want to share certain moments, please do so out of the sake of sharing. Do not do it with the intention of seeking attention, feedback, or validation. Do not do it out of a feeling of obligation to your followers. Do not do it because you care what they think. Or here’s an idea- share a post and disable the comments! That way you are sharing with your friends, but are not influenced by their comments- good or bad.
The next time you see a couple and think #RelationshipGoals, just know they are not perfect. And most are only choosing to share isolated “feel good” moments of their relationship. And even if they chose to share negative moments, you must realize that this is not the full picture. Never look to someone else for relationship goals. Focus on yourself and your partner- forsaking all others.